Sadism or earning your cookie?

So this is it... not sure what I was expecting but I don't really have any strong feelings about my last day! When I left my previous job, I was a bit choked up. I knew I'd miss my friends, the gossip sessions, the fun and the drawing competitions (obviously not the work) but here, I've met a couple of nice people but there isn't really anyone who'd make it on my 'top-ten-to-invite-to-dinner' list or even my 'how's-about-a-coffee-over-lunch' list... ok maybe one or two at most.

Yesterday, I got collared for a farewell presentation. I really didn't see it coming so was fairly shocked when the entire open plan office gathered around to watch me squirm in hot embarrassment. If you know me, you probably know that on occasion, I quite like basking in the limelight but only when I expect it!

In my last job I'd anticipated a gathering having seen fellow 'jumpers' (i.e. people who jump ship, not the woollen things) subjected to various forms of farewell torture including bad poetry, songs and speeches which barely reflect the employee or the work they did.

It seems such a strange ritual to me, why do hoards of people gather to bid you farewell when you've never exchanged more than a 'good morning' or an 'excuse me' in the elevator? I suppose having been on the otherside, there's some sadistic enjoyment to be had from anticipating how uncomfortable one can get when the cry of 'SPEECH' is thrown to the departee then thanking your luck stars you're not in their shoes. Either that or by participating, you can feel comfortable in the knowledge that you've earned an iced doughnut or choc chip cookie from the table of farewell goodies that the leaver is obliged to buy for everyone.

Oh I'm sooo cynical! How is it I've managed to become a grumpy old woman 30years before my time!

But back to my goodbye gathering - they were lucky to corner me at all because just moments before I had been marching towards the door. One of my colleagues practically rugby tackled me to the floor on the pretence that my manager needed to have a word!

I don't remember much about the speech except the odd 'thank you' about my recycling efforts and some sarcastic comment about my mathematical abilities (or lack of)! You'll be excited to hear the office collection was spent on an ant farm, a marble frog paper weight, some paint-your-own ginger bread men and £20! ...hmm an interesting array of gifts... They obviously took no notice of my plea for a golden light switch engraved with 'Turn it Off' . Ah well, this weekend, I'll be off hunting for a queen ant to kick start my ant farm!!

Ray Charles Impersonation

Is it cruel to dress up your rabbit for a few laughs?

Last Monday Morning (this is a grumble)

Its my final Monday Morning as a full time environmentalist! I should be joyous but nothing is different today and I've just had the usual Monday morning rant about the utter the lack of response from our Estates and Resources team to get some recycling issue sorted out. My blood pressure is raised, and I have an incredible urge to throw something or crush someone's head under a big rock

My anger is partly fuelled by the fact that I gave the University an extra 2 weeks notice in my resignation letter hoping they'd use the time wisely and replace me as quickly as possible. My direct line management signed off the job description/person specs etc within the first two weeks and since then, the paperwork has been sitting on the desk of some puffed up, power hungry, tie-too-tight, lazy, S.O.B member of management. 6 WEEKS they've had to advertise this, SIX WHOLE WEEKS!!! and nothing! no movement! Zip, Zero, Zilch!

The culprit is the very same guy who said "this institution needs to keep the momentum going -it is an important time for the environment". My suspicion is that he'll put it off for as long as possible so he can hang on to some extra cash. It took them FOUR YEARS to replace the last environmental officer with me!

In the meantime, all the projects I've been working on will be put on hold, no-one will care, no-one will chase them up and I am SOOOOOOO MAD!!!!!!! I shouldn't care but I do - it's all been a complete waste of time and I have a good mind to tell them what I think. They are all IDIOTS and the planet will never change because of people like them! As you can imagine THIS is one of the main reasons for leaving it all behind...the feet-draggers! The environment is never a top priority... there is always something more important to sort out...

Since my rant I've been pondering one thing. When I'm a student again, will I still get Monday Morning Blues?

Change of Heart

In my quest to find out about the defense mechanisms of slugs, I came across lots and lots of research papers on Sea Slugs. I now want to withdraw my comment about slugs belonging in God's reject bin. This is a sweeping generalisation and the reject bin should just be open for the common garden slug.

Sea Slugs are WICKED! have a look on here:
http://www.hawaiisfishes.com/inverts/slugs/neatslugs.htm

I also found an interesting website by someone who has come up with the terrifying idea of flying slugs! Check out his website which discusses how flying slugs would affect the economy, technology and religion.... http://www.belch.com/?page_id=26

Slug Wars

Urrrrgh SLUGS!!!

When God (I use this term loosely) was creating the Universe, were these hideous, slimy creatures meant for the reject bin (along with cockroaches) but didn’t quite make it?

Don’t get me wrong, I love most of God’s creations including those weird looking axolotls you find in the depths of secret caves (basically albino salamander/newt type things). BUT SLUGS…bleurgh! They don’t even have the decency, like snails, to cover up their modesty. At least snails keep the majority of their mucusy foot inside a pretty shell!

Our garden seems to be undergoing some sort of slug exodus and their destination is OUR KITCHEN!!! They leave their ‘trail-making’ for the dead of night when they must gather together: “Right boys! Do your worst! No straight lines, just meander – make as much mess as you can!”

They might as well get a crayon out and start scribbling on the walls and all over the pots and pans. They’re sneaky too, managing to bypass the slug powder I regularly put out, probably using a series of ropes and pulleys – if only I could find out how they are getting in?

Anyway, last night I heard a blood curdling scream from the kitchen and fearing L had just chopped a finger off making dinner, I rushed downstairs to face the mutilation. In fact, I found L hopping around the kitchen, pointing frantically and shouting ‘get them out, get them out… I’ll do anything’ (anything? – I made a mental note)

There, squelching around on one of the cooker hobs, in a pool of glistening mucus, were two fat slugs! YUCK yuck yuck! After letting out a couple of my own screeches of disgust, I went to war armed with a piece of tissue!

I don’t know much about the physiology of slugs but one of these guys had a cunning weapon up his sleeve (or sock seeing as they don't have arms)! As I scooped it up in the tissue, it proceeded to squirt an arc of what I can only assume was slug pee at me! I’ve never seen that before! GROSS!

I’m sure slugs are mutating and plotting to take over the world. For instance, have you ever noticed that slug slime seems to be getting thicker and more toxic over the years. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of getting slug juice on your fingers it seems to bind to your skin - not even fairy liquid and a scrubbing brush can remove it.

However, I was lucky this time. The slug pee missed me by inches and I kept my fingers free of slug slime. These two P.O.Ws ended their lives speeding towards the sewers on a wave of toilet water – Another small victory for human kind, but the battle rages on.

The choice of a foraging bird...

With only 10 days left in full time employment, I'’ve recently had one of the most successful meetings I'’ve had in the entire two years I'’ve been here! I sat at a table with 6 other people, proposing a new scheme for the university and not one person threw up a single barrier!! They ALL agreed! Its extraordinary!

Most meetings I go to end up with so many sighs, head shakes, tuts and reasons not to do something that regularly come away ready to launch myself off the nearest cliff….lateral thought process... the closest cliff around here must be...ooooh um? in Skegness? Does Skegness have cliffs or is it just ferris wheels and bumper cars?

Well, whatever the case, I almost fell off my chair at the amazing amount of positivity and at times like these I think to myself 'sheesh! what am I doing?' Maybe I should stay and make sure all these people keep their promises! It's a major step for the university and it's horrible leaving something behind thatÂ’s actually a giant leap forward.

Should I be giving up a job that is making a positive contribution to the world for purely self indulgent, reasons? Should I endure 30+ years chipping away at the proverbial brick wall for a moment like this no matter how few and far between they are?

...I'’m thinking again…

Maybe it'’s like foraging birds/animals that have to choose between
a) easily accessible food with little calorific return so they need to eat more or
b) harder to reach food, high in energy and rich in essential stuff
Actually, that'’s probably a dumb analysis…the decision has been made and if all goes according to plan, I'll earn more and have much better overall job satisfaction (I hope)

So, just to put you in the picture, I have been trying for some time to get the university to start using recycled paper as the standard stock. We order over 150 tonnes of paper annually - this is probably a conservative estimate - so think how many trees and how much energy we'’d save buying recycled! Until now, we'’ve had several unsuccessful meetings on this topic and a lot of people are still under the impression that recycled paper is inferior. Its not, it used to be, but its come on leaps and bounds! In bulk orders, there isn't even a cost issue unless of course you are buying 100% recycled.

Anyway, without boring you to tears, they have agreed to trial recycled paper over three months in a WHOLE building! Wow!!! If it'’s successful then thereÂ's no reason not to role it out to the rest of the uni.

Now, if I seem a little over excited about something which on the face of it is just a trial, then I have to explain that it's like pulling teeth to get ANYONE to do ANYTHING around here. THIS is like moving mountains. I also suspect no one will remember it was me that pushed for this so I though't I'd record it in my blog! While I'm blowing my own trumpet, I also want to take credit for pushing forward an energy management strategy which miraculously started to take off today too...10 days is all I have! Some jobs are pretty darn thankless and I think more people should get credit for the time and dedication they put into their work.

I'd like a golden light switch or recycling bin commemorating my time here which says "for the girl who switched off" or "Amy's Bin here". However, nowadays you have to stick at a job for 40 years or more just so you can get a gold watch or an extra day holiday so I don't hold out much hope.

Well, only time will tell if this was the right decision... eek!

See our Bog Blog

If you haven't already heard me ranting about the standard of toilets, then visit

http://raisethebogstandard.blogspot.com/

Bag Battles

Do you ever find yourself drowning in plastic bags? Plastic bags are EVIIIIIL! They don’t biodegrade, they consume valuable resources in their production and when they are’nt dumped in landfill they litter the streets, cling to trees, float around in ponds or take up space in the cupboard under the sink!

Did you know that in the UK, supermarkets give away 17.5 billion bags every year? That’s 290 bags for every person in the UK, EVERY YEAR! No wonder we’re swamped!

L and I have been trying very hard to cut down on the number of plastic bags we use and, as part of our mini campaign to ‘BAG IT’, we are perpetually buying reusable bags!

We’ve got jute bags, hemp bags, cloth bags, Sainsbury’s fold away bags, Tesco’s Bags for Life, you name it, we’ve probably got it!... and yet how often do we find ourselves in the supermarket, about to checkout, totally and utterly Bagless!?

I often have irritating exchanges with sales people when I tell them, as they are reaching for a bag (often 10 times larger than the item it will carry), I don’t need a bag. They usually stop in mid-bagging flow and look at me as if to say “What the? Huh? Why? Are you sure?”, then I have to repeat myself explaining I’m trying to ‘cut down’.

More often than not I get my way but there’s always one who will argue that I do, in fact, need a bag because how else will I carry what I’ve purchased? “Ahem! What are these two, flexible, dangly things attached to my shoulders?”

The other day I came across a bit of a bright spark, this was the conversation:
Me: “I don’t need a bag thanks”
Checkout girl: “Sorry?”
Me a little louder and more forceful: “I don’t NEED a bag thank you – the box has a handle” NB: its important to try and remain calm and polite
Checkout girl:
Me: “NO BAG PLEEEASE”
Checkout girl: “ok I’ll just tie a bag around the handle”
Me: I sigh, internalise my abusive comment and walk out of the shop with a plastic bag tied around the handle of my box!

And finally, just to drive the point home home, I wanted to tell you about my trip to Boots yesterday:

Before I reached the checkout, I conceded that I’d have to have a plastic bag because yet again I’d forgotten my cloth one. So as the lady starts to bag, I offer my credit card and realise she’s reaching for another bag!!!!! WHAT!!!?

I raise my hand in a STOP! DON’T DO IT! motion and half shout “I don’t NEED another bag”
“Its ok” she says, “they aren’t very good”
“That’s alright” I say, “I’ll carry them under my arm” (they were photo albums)

“No, they really aren’t very good bags, I’ll just….”
And before I could scream “BAGGIN HELL, you STUPID old BAG!” she’d whipped another bag on!

DOUBLE BAGGING! Oh the CRIME! Does anyone else feel this way or is it just the environmentalist in me?

Guinness, Shamrocks and Leprechauns

We've just returned from Dublin where we had a short break before I’m officially a poor student (only 15 more days to go by the way!).

On landing at Dublin airport, we overheard two small boys talking excitedly:
“Are we in Ireland yet?” asked one
“No, we’re getting a car in Dublin then driving to Ireland” replied the other! Ah bless their little cotton socks!

So Ireland isn’t hugely different from England except of course for the Irish accent, the higher incidence of ginger haired people, and the quite conservative, Catholic outlook on life.
We stayed with some friends who very kindly put up with our intrusion and I have to say ‘intrusion’ because, until this weekend, we hadn’t realised quite how tidy and orderly they were.

Their cleanliness went far beyond the realms of just good housekeeping… there wasn’t a speck of dust in sight, not a thing out of place, not a single sign of habitation! It was like one of those posh shops which make you feel uncomfortable for touching the clothes they're trying to sell you because they're too neatly folded and stacked. In fact, if we hadn’t known any better, we might have thought we’d walked into a show home when we arrived.

Whilst we were very grateful for the accommodation we certainly felt like hideous lumps of messy chaos in such clinical order. The worst part was using the kitchen. The pressure of making breakfast or helping to prepare dinner was extremely stressful.

We were terrified of making a splash or a spill, or defiling the pure black work top with food of any sort. Basically any type of cooking related activity was almost as nerve wracking as disarming an unexploded mine. My heart skipped a beat, and I broke out in a cold sweat if the used t-bag I was carrying to the bin, dripped onto the large, cream floor tiles. L (as my other half will now be known) reckoned it was sterile enough to conduct open heart surgery – I think I’d have to agree.

Crumbs were wiped up (with a pristine cloth) before they had a chance to roll off your piece of toast, bounce from counter to the floor and shimmy into a gap between the fridge and the cupboard where the likes of old onion peel or a dried lentil might hide in a normal kitchen! It would be far easier to eat out at night or just not eat at all in order to keep the kitchen clean and the stress levels down.

But despite this, we were fed, the bed was comfortable, we had clean, fresh towels, nice company and there were no noisy youths shouting on the street during the night (like we have at home). We even converted the bedroom into our own little haven of clutter and mess!

Over the week, we only did a couple of the typically touristy things like visit Neolithic Tombs, the Guinness Brewery, and Temple Bar. We’d been sauntering around Temple Bar for sometime before I said to L ‘so where’s this bar?’ thinking we were going to a famous Irish pub. Durrrrh! – incase you don’t know Temple bar is just a trendy part of Dublin!

We managed two mammoth walks (Ok! mammoth for me). One was a lovely 10km hike along the coastal path between two small towns and the other was a fantastic 9km hike along the hills overlooking a grand lake (Glendalough). We had a very steep climb to the top but it was worth the view and I couldn’t help bursting into a rendition of ‘The Sound of Music’ when we reached the top.


The scenery was reminiscent of the Yorkshire Dales crossed with the Lake District - quite beautiful when it wasn't shrouded in black rain clouds! I was of course very enthusiastic about photographing the herds of deer and the wild goats whilst L trudged behind holding the lenses and pointing out potential compositions.



All in all it was a good trip and I’m sure there’s much more to explore… perhaps on our return!